A Bumpy Road Ahead…

Oh, how it seems that the extremely joyful events of my life always happen in sync with sorrowful ones.  Life is truly a roller coaster ride. This has never been more true than right this moment.

First, the ups:  I’ve got a little baby girl growing inside of me.  There’s a small but  cute little baby bump to prove it (hence the title of this post :)  She will be our little 1/4 Korean, 1/4 Irish, 1/4 Italian, and 1/4 German princess.  She’ll be born naturally with a midwife (God-willing, but that’s the plan.)   We are already so much in love, especially after watching her yawn, stretch, and practically suck her own toes today at the ultrasound.

Just to orient you, her big head is at the bottom (you can see her profile in the first pic), her belly is on the left, and her little legs are totally stretched above her.  Joe calls it her Jiu Jitsu stretch.  I call it her ballet stretch.

Here is a little hypothetical baby Brancaleone- a morph of Joe’s face and my face.  Pretty cute, right?  At least as far as those morph pics go.  Remember the hypothetical baby in How to Lose a Guy in 10 days?  haha.

Now let’s talk about the downs: My dad passed away unexpectedly this Tuesday.  I’m actually writing this at 5 am on a Saturday because I can’t sleep.  My own emotions are a roller coaster in themselves.  Sometimes I’m numb, sometimes I’m crying, sometimes I’m laughing, sometimes I’m reminiscing.

My dad was special in so many ways.  He was a world-class Judo champion (at one time, 2nd in the world)- you can bet Joe didn’t mess around while we were dating, for fear of the wrath of my very physically fit father :)  My dad was a wonderful singer, who passed on this gift to my sister who is now an opera singer.  My dad loved us and cared about our well-being.  I don’t agree with all his parenting practices, but he really did what he thought was best for us. He never allowed me to talk to boys until I was 18.  Little did he know my first boyfriend was in 5th grade!  Boys would call my house and pretend to be girls to talk to me.  He was a very protective Korean dad.

He made us laugh.  He cooked the best Korean BBQ on the grill for every special occasion.  He and my mom babysat Pesto all the time even though he had a strict “no dogs in the house” policy.  He always seemed to bend the rules for me, his second daughter (especially when I would cry or whine- bad habit!  Hope my daughter doesn’t try to pull that stuff!)  He did this thing called “Candy Magic” when we were little.  He’d come home from work with candy bars up his sleeve, and we honestly thought he was creating them out of thin air.  I think that’s where my insatiable sweet tooth started.

His passing was a tragedy.  I’m not going to say my relationship with my dad was perfect.  In fact, I have many regrets about the way I have related to him in my adult life.  But I love him deeply, and already miss him so much.  The song “Unchained Melody” is stuck on repeat in my head. It was his favorite song.  I honestly can’t believe he’s gone.

From left to right, my little brother Nick, Me, my Dad Hak Chan, my older sis Jennylyn, and my Mom Jo Anne.

This might sound like a Hallmark card, but as this  bumpy road  of life continues, I’m so grateful that Jesus, my Lord and Savior, is holding me up and carrying me when I honestly think I can’t walk anymore.  God is good, even in the midst of sorrow and pain.  This little life inside of me is a constant reminder of that.

Thanks for reading.  I will be going through pics of my dad from my childhood, and hope you don’t mind if I post some of these later on.  I don’t usually get so personal on this blog, but it’s been a great comfort to write in this diary of sorts when I can’t sleep.

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17 Responses to “A Bumpy Road Ahead…”

  1. Bianca Says:

    Oh my word. Kristin, I will be fervently praying for you during this time. My heart aches for you and your family…

    Yet in the middle of your loss you are giving to others. I’m humbled, blessed and amazed at the love you have towards others.

    May God pour out his blessings upon you lavishly….

    B

  2. loveandsplendor Says:

    i love you so so much, but you already know that. :) thankful for our steadfast and faithful God who is carrying you through this. and your beautiful baby daughter is bringing tears to my eyes! i cannot wait to meet her!!!! xo

  3. sally Says:

    oh my gosh Kristin, I am so sorry for your loss. (I met you at the vendor sale in santa ana… my friend and i bought a bunch of vases, cups, and a cute headband from you that day) your post was so sweet and totally made me tear up. may God bless you and your growing baby… and give you the peace and comfort that only He can give…. {{hugs}}

  4. janet Says:

    Hi Kristin, I’m so sorry about your father. What a devastating loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time.

    Congratulations on the sweet little baby girl that you are carrying. I am also pregnant with a baby girl and due in November. I hope your pregnancy is easy and happy!

  5. Jasmine* Says:

    Oh, Kris, I’m so so so sorry. I LOVE YOU. Please let me know if there’s ANYTHING I can do during this tough time. I am praying for you now…

  6. Naomi L Says:

    Kristin, so sorry about your father. Thoughts and prayers are with you. I know the Lord will be with your during this difficult time.

    Congrats on your little baby girl. Can’t wait to see the cute hapa baby girl!

  7. Claudia Says:

    I’m sorry to hear of your farther passing, but I agree with you God is good and draw strength from Him “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” Psalm 34:18 Congrats on your baby girl may she be healthy and strong

  8. Vicky Says:

    Hello Kristin,
    I’m a long time reader of your blog, but this is the first time I’ve commented. Your post brought tears to my eyes, I completely feel your pain and lost. My Dad has been pretty sick the last two years, and I’ve been so afraid and scared of losing him. Sending prayers and condolences to you and your family. Take care Kristin and thank you for being so open and honest.

  9. Rachel (heart of light) Says:

    Kris, my heart goes out to you. I love you!

    And I can’t wait to meet baby Brancaleone! Two little girls in our group – how exciting!

  10. FRECKLES CHICK Says:

    Hi Kristin,

    I am also a longtime reader (via trista’s blog via the Nest from my wedding planning days eons ago) and I think this is my first comment. I am so very sorry. It is so heartbreaking that your little girl won’t have the chance to know your sweet dad. During times like these, memories become even more cherished, don’t they?

    My deepest condolences to you & your family. And my most joyful congrats on Baby B! Your blog inspires us all. The least we can do is be the audience to your “journal”.

    Take care.

  11. Trista Lerit Says:

    kristin..I know i already told you this but just wanted to say again I’m here for you for anything you need! love you!!

  12. yale Says:

    Hi Kristin,

    I hope you have a great pregnancy experience :) (Also — this is an unrelated note, but I’m so awed by your creativity and talent! You’re gonna be one cool momma!)

    My thoughts go out to you on the loss of your dad. The peace of God transcends all understanding, and I pray that even during this difficult time, He’ll continue to bring you peace and comfort.

  13. Doug Fisher Says:

    I liked your dad the moment I met him, Kristin; he was warm, devoted, friendly; he welcomed me even before I was family. The whole family loved him. I miss him a lot.

    Your baby is such great news, Kristin — I didn’t know. It’s wonderful.

    Uncle Doug

  14. Leslie A Says:

    Hi …
    I’m so super sorry to hear about your Dad. A Loss is the family is never an easy thing to deal with. Just know that your are being held in HIS hands right now, just as always..even thought it may not seem like it.

  15. Spy Store Pro Says:

    Sorry for your lost. Jen told me about it. I remember your dad was a nice man when I visted out california

  16. Angela varela Says:

    Hi Kris!
    It’s been a while so I stopped by your blog to see your beautiful work. I just wanted to say I’m so sorry to hear about your loss of your dad. I know you are a big family girl so I hope the Lord is bringing you comfort during this time. I’m so excited to hear you’re going to be a mommy, I always knew you’d make a wonderful mom! My prayers are with you, Joe and your family during this time. May you draw close to the Lord, He will be a place to fall for comfort, rest and peace.
    Much love and blessings,
    Angela

  17. Wande Says:

    Hi Kristin! I’m so sorry about your dad. I typically don’t leave comments but I figured I would this time. May the good Lord continue to keep you and your family in HIS warm embrace and a HUGE congrats on your little one. I just had a little girl and it’s one of the most amazing blessings ever. Many blessings and loads of hugs.

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